Q: I have never seen it rain in Texas on TV or in the movies, so how do the plants grow? (France)
A: Upwards, out of the ground, like the person who asked this question, who will need watering if their IQ drops any lower.
Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the Texas?
A: Depends on how much beer you've consumed, I myself have seen Elephants a time or two drinking Tequila.
Q: Does it ever get windy in Texas? (UK)
A: Sorry I can't answer that the wind just blew away my computer!
Q: Which direction should I drive to get to Texas to avoid driving with the sun in my eyes? (Germany)
A: Excellent question, considering the sun never shines in Germany, how would you know it comes up in the east & sets in the west?
Q: I want to walk from New Orleans to Brownsville Texas, can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, its' only about two thousand miles, you'll need to start about a year ago to get there in time for supper.
Q: Is it safe to run around naked in the bushes in Texas? (Sweden)
A: WHAT ??? You people from Sweden are going to find out real quick about Rattlesnakes & Cowboys.
Q: It is imperative that I find the names & addresses to contact for a stuffed porpoise. (Italy)
A: I'm not touching this one, but bring along some of what ever you are drinking.
Q: Do I bring cutlery to Texas , will I need to bring my own? (UK)
A: Why bother? Use your fingers like the rest of us.
Q: Do you have perfume in Texas? (France)
A: Nope. Everybody here stinks like a cow.
Q: Can you tell me all the regions in Texas where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yepper ... Try going to the Gay Nightclubs.
Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Texas? (France)
A: Yes. Every Christmas.
Q: Can I drive the entire length of Padre Island? (Germany)
A: Sure, if your vehicle is amphibious.
Q: Are there killer bees in Texas? (Germany)
A: Yepper, they are part of the Texas National Guard ...
Q: Can you give me some information about Rattlesnake racing in
Texas? I want to purchase a pet rattlesnake! (USA)
A: What's this guy smoking, and where do I get some?
Q: Are there supermarkets in Texas & is milk available ? (USA)
A: Another blonde from California, originally from Sweden, I’ll bet you?
Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Texas who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: I love this one ... Rattlesnakes, Rattlesnakes, there are no rattlesnakes in Texas, we are a dry state.
Q: Which direction is North in Texas? (USA)
A: Face North at home, you should right on target for north in Texas! Must be from California, & have ancestors from Sweden.
Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (Canada)
A: Our good friends the Canadian Americans, have long had
considerable trouble distinguishing between Austria and Texas they sound so damn much alike.
Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go in Texas? (USA)
A: Yepper, but you'll have to learn it first, we speak a different version of English! It’s called Spanglish.. Just hit your thumb with a hammer, the first five word coming out of your mouth, is probably about as much English as Y’all will need in Texans !
I’m shutting down my Q & A web site! I can’t stand it anymore.